From Playground to Boardroom
Some people never leave the playground. As an adult, it’s easy to think that bullies are a thing of the past, an issue in the classroom. And while life gets better post-graduation, sometimes you never escape bullies.
I share this from a place of experience.
After graduating, I experienced bullying for almost a year at the hands of a manager. I was young, eager to please and took the emotional abuse as best I could. It sounds silly, but I didn’t know any better! This bully was my authority figure and I was trying to gain experience and keep my foot in the door. Despite being self-assured at the start, over the months the emotional abuse wore down my self-esteem and mental wellness.
At the height of my struggle, I experienced blurred vision, nausea, “cloudiness”, and anxiety. I was sensitive, irritable and doubted EVERYTHING I did professionally and personally. Over time, the stress manifested on my body and I developed a mysterious rash on my hands, feet, torso and face. Looking back, I know I was depressed and a little traumatized.
Luckily my co-workers, friends and family were very supportive. I received advice on how to tackle the issue and followed it. However, my attempts to involve upper management didn’t work in my favour. When my manager told me my position ended, I felt relieved. Although I got out, the experience left a lasting impression. Even while writing this post my hands are clammy and my head feels cloudy.
Vindication came years later when I learned others complained about that bully manager. The bully’s reign was over and had to leave the company.
I’m sure you know the saying that “everyone gets one bad boss”. That may be true, but there is NO reason to stand for it. And while poor leadership is never acceptable, this saying should only apply to inadequate management. It should NEVER cross over to emotional/verbal/physical abuse.
I am fortunate that I worked with plenty of good leaders and work environments since then. I shared this experience as a form of continual healing but also as a sign of solidarity. If you face a similar situation or witness bullies on a daily basis, you are NOT alone and you HAVE the POWER to stop it.
Below are a few steps to take back your power and find your voice:
- Set your limits – Draw a line for yourself on what you won’t tolerate (ie. differentiates “teasing” from “abuse”)
- Talk to your Bully – Voice your observations, how it’s impacting you, and what you won’t tolerate in the future, if they refuse to change…
- Confront your Bully – Call out inappropriate behaviour as it happens, don’t give into intimidation, you must be firm
- Document – Note the date, time and any details or witnesses of the event. Especially if they impact business. Keep hard copies of emails
- Note if other coworkers are targets – Encourage them to stand up for themselves and document their experiences too.
- Talk to HR or Management – If none of your efforts stop the bully then take your evidence to HR
I understand confronting a bully is no easy task! However, why should your life be hard while your bully lives care free? You owe it to yourself or victims you witness to stand up for what’s right. Together we can make this world safer for everyone, no matter the age or place.
